Five More Ways To Escape Uncomfortable Feelings of Low Self-Esteem and Poor Self-Confidence
Many people live their entire lives without getting to the source of what originally caused their feelings of low self-esteem. Because they are unaware of how they can heal their painful past and reframe the circumstances that originally resulted in interpretations of being unworthy, unlovable, or deficient in some way, most people instead often resort to finding ways to distract themselves from the unpleasant sensations that accompany feeling inferior. Instead of effectively silencing the nagging voice of past hurts, they seek out distractions to help them temporarily forget about their lacking confidence and deficient self-image. Five of the more common ways to relieve the pain of low self-esteem and poor self-confidence involve excessive attention to work, food, sports, sex, or even shopping. Like all addictions, they help to distract from but do not resolve the underlying problem and so one is still plagued by feelings that will continually require greater efforts from which to hide.
Workaholism
In our culture, work is usually an acceptable means of diverting our attention. Through hard work, we busy ourselves to the extent that we lack the free time needed to brood over our sorrows. Those who work excessively are often too tired to worry about a lacking social life or the pursuit of fun pastimes that they often likewise believe they do not deserve to experience. Work provides rewards such as money, recognition, and a feeling of accomplishment, all of which help to compensate for feelings of failure in other areas of life.
It’s not that a commitment to work is bad. In fact, it is quite admirable as just one component to a well-balanced life. However, when pursued to excess, it doesn’t allow for the honoring of other equally important elements such as a commitment to family, friends, fun, recreation, personal and spiritual development, etc. An obsession with work can take its toll on health, relationships, and missed opportunities for other equally valuable pursuits.
Moreover, when work is undertaken from the perspective that one is ‘not good enough’ in one or more aspects of their being, it can’t be fully enjoyed. Feelings of low self confidence and little self-esteem diminish one’s energy by consuming attention that could have been spent more productively in the joyful pursuit of one’s goals, rather than as a distraction from persistent negative self-talk.
Over-Eating
Like working excessively, an obsession with food is often a common escape from feelings of unworthiness. Eating can serve both as a distraction and a way to make ourselves feel better temporarily. We often seek from food the emotional connection that we are lacking in close, intimate relationships. Frequently, food is linked in our minds to happy times with family or friends. Perhaps we experienced food rewards from our parents or authority figures for scholastic or sports accomplishments. For many, food has become synonymous with love. And so in times of stress, fear, and loneliness, many turn to food to fill a void that only love and self-fulfillment can satisfy.
Habitual overeating also results in being out of shape, overweight, and generally unattractive in the paradigm of Western modern-day culture. The more one eats as a substitute for missing self-love and intimacy with others, the more obese he or she is likely to become. This in turn reinforces the feeling that the heavier the person becomes, the less she fits in and the lower her self-esteem and self-confidence plummets. The greater the feelings of loneliness and not fitting in that result, the more she is likely to seek comfort in food (especially the high carbohydrate, high fat, high comfort variety). A vicious cycle is thus set in motion ensuring more weight gain and lower self-esteem.
Sports and Other Physical Outlets
Some people run to overcome feelings of loneliness, boredom, depression or lacking self-worth. Some pump iron, play golf, or work out at the gym while others find their own unique way to divert their focus through exercise, hobbies, or sports. Many would argue that such a diversion is a healthy way to funnel energy into an activity that contributes to good physical health. However, like any obsession, when taken to the extreme for the purpose of diverting attention from issues in need of resolution, it can become an unhealthy means of avoiding areas in serious need of attention.
Sex
An obsession with sex outside of a healthy, loving relationship can likewise become a means of distraction to take the focus away from self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Whether it’s Internet porn sites, an obsession with strip clubs, or the need for frequent casual sexual encounters, all serve as an effort to numb the pain of isolation. Ironically, the greater the obsession to connect with others through meaningless sexual experiences, the greater one’s sense of isolation will likely become.
Shopping
Another common obsession to compensate for a low self-image is shopping. While some find temporary comfort in making themselves feel more attractive by purchasing the latest, most stylish clothes, shoes, accessories, or even cars and other expensive toys if their budget allows (and many times even if it does not!), compulsive shoppers find that the comfort they seek in material items is typically short lived. They often fool themselves into thinking that next new dress, sport coat, outfit or cologne purchase will make the difference they seek in having them feel better about themselves. Sadly, it never does. However, all too often such excessive spending sprees send the shopaholic deeper into debt. This further reinforces or worsens the failure interpretation they already possessed and continues to diminish their self-esteem and confidence level.
There are countless other addictions that people resort to in an effort to find meaning in life when their own self-worth is lacking. Whether it is compulsive gambling, studying, puttering in the yard, decorating the house, or whatever other diversion, those who lack inner peace will not soon find it externally with a focus that seeks to cover up feelings of being unworthy or unlovable.
Thankfully, there IS a way to reclaim one’s self-worth and restore self-esteem to a high level providing internal comfort and fulfillment. For a complete roadmap to reclaiming self-esteem, visit TheSelfEsteemBook.com and discover all details of this strong authentic formula that will assist you in boosting your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Vic Says: Don’t Worry Short Stuff, Get the Girl
Dating can be fun and refreshing, or it can be frustrating and frightening for everyone, men and women. And many people begin to focus on the parts of themselves they like the least when they start dating. While your "error" can not even get your mind today, it can certainly be yours.
If you happen to be a little shorter than the average guy, you feel that you have one strike against you. You do not want, and that board meetings to explain why short men.
A lot of short men feel that they can not compete with the woman's attention, if you are standing next to a guy down. Believe it or not, this is not true. The fact is that some women are attracted to tall men and some women are attracted to men short.
And a good rule to follow is this: what you lack in height, you can do to other qualities. For example, women love men of confidence. But do not overdo it or confuse confidence with arrogance. Just do your size a problem, and the women you date will not be a problem either.
This is one of the best tips for dating men short. We all know that women love a good sense of humor. Be funny. This is one of the best short dating tips for guys. If you feel comfortable with it, you can even include the size of your jokes. Again, do not just focus on that.
If you do, your date will soon realize that this joke is called a real problem in disguise. But if you can laugh your date without being self-deprecating, she will surely be impressed. A word of warning, it does not mean you need to educate slapstick joke after another. Using subtle humor to your advantage in a normal conversation.
And here is one of the most common mistakes that men make short when it comes to games. They do not even try. You should never give your height to get in the way to meet a woman, you will find immediately attractive to assume that only like tall men. If you put these tips above in action, you quickly realize that women do not even notice your height, because they are seduced by your charm.
Finally, when approaching a woman in his own head and away from their insecurities and focus on what it says. Nothing makes a woman more than if you are interested in it. Ask questions about themselves and hear their answers. You do not want to go too far in this position and only one question after another either. Just tell you're really interested.
Remember, how you feel a direct influence on how others think of you. You have the power to control how the women who fell not to let the desires and possibilities. Make arrangements with the parties above men dating advice for short stature.
Vic Says: Don’t Be So Anxious
It's a common scene:
You meet a hottie on a dating site and were meeting at the local coffee shop, in person, for the first time. You are very excited about this meet and greet as you think it is quite nice. But when you arrive, the anxiety kicks and you feel your heart is jumping out of my throat when his head came up.
Yes, it's even better then he was shown pictures of you, this in turn has created even more anxiety, and as we go to salute all of a sudden, your mind empty, you can search for words, desperate to pull think of to say to him, he managed to stammer out a sentence and is not even sure if it would make sense!
Well, maybe you have not experienced this same scenario, but I'm sure you've probably experienced something similar. It's just one of many examples of anxiety when approaching women.
The good news is that there are ways to eliminate this anxiety. I'll show you one of the methods you can use right now to stop the mind drawing a blank.
The first thing you need to do is pre-planning discussions with a woman in it.
Surely the best way to do this is to get a piece of paper and pen to write down what you are going to talk about. Write down, to help it sink into your subconscious so you're less likely to be empty when you approach him. Even when you have written some of the issues you are going to talk to him, read it again and again, and play the scenario over in your mind.
Plan your wishes - sure to make eye contact and stand with good posture. Make good eye contact and stand with good posture will give the impression that you have great confidence - women are very attracted to a man who is secure. And you will feel more relaxed when the positive response, it will give when you practice this form of trust.
Write some questions you would like to ask. It's good for a number of reasons. It helps you get to know her best - it is a very important detail if you want it to go further (possibly related), you begin to feel more confident when you get to know her and she will be just as happy as a whale-infested waters is squid, obtaining a good opportunity to talk to them. Women love talking about them.
Be prepared to tell the story. Everyone enjoys a good story, and often triggers a memory for them each song. That's one of my stories, which can help trigger some memories for you. So you can start planning some stories.
This goes back to when I was 5 years. I tell stories of my childhood, I was very adventurous and clever.
I had started a school for a long time (I was not particularly fond of school when I started, in fact, I even told my mother the first day home from school that did not need me to go longer, I told her that already had enough children in the classroom).
We lived in a house on stilts, is what I would call it. But these days, they were very popular (the thing). There were two staircases. One was through the back door and through the front door.
My brother, Daniel was a few years younger then me so I waited at home every day through the front door, but I never see through it. So his curiosity is improved, and he asked me how I finished the house after school every day.
I told him that I had magical powers, and that I could walk through walls. He was totally surprised and asked if I could give him the power to walk through walls as well. I like waving my hands around and said, "There, now you have the power of what you have to do is to run as fast as you can into the wall."
One can only imagine his disappointment when planted in front of the wall only to find they have no magic power to walk through walls
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500 Intimate Questions for Couples (Rip-off or Rewarding?)
It's a clever idea. Put a whole bunch of questions together and see
what kind of fun you can have with your sweetheart. Maybe they'll make
her mad. Maybe he'll refuse to answer them. After a few drinks, both are
having fun - right?
I was actually taken by surprise at how well crafted the questions were
written and the very logical progression and path that they took you on.
It was indeed fun to consider our beginning as a couple and to even look
back and what shaped our views of love, intimacy and sex.
It didn't take too long to get to the "nitty-gritty" questions and they
were actually very enjoyable to answer. They didn't make me defensive and
since I was asking to someone I trusted, I began to let loose and share
more deeply than I ever had.
I will say that its practically impossible to go through more than 30-50
questions at a time. Not only do they really stir up great conversations,
they stir up a lot of other "feelings" that need to be addressed. I'd
recommend you ask the questions in a place you'd like to make love because
it didn't take many questions before we wanted to strip right then and there
and devour each other.
My biggest complaint is that some of the questions are a little redundant
depending how you answer other questions. But that was just our experience.
We've decided to space out the questions a little further apart because every
time we do the questions, we "do" each other. And we're trying to savor that.
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Use The Boyfriending Technique To Get Laid Fast
By John Alexander
Author, "How to Become an Alpha Male"
I'm going to reveal an important comfort-building technique I call "Boyfriending." In a nutshell, there's something you can do that's usually done ONLY by a woman's boyfriend.
If you do it too, it's a way of getting under a woman's radar and making her comfortable enough around you so that she'll be receptive to sex without making you wait.
You see, in order for a typical woman to have sex with a man, she must have feelings of comfort. It is not enough for her to simply feel attraction for the guy.
Let's say you meet a girl at a 5 PM happy hour. The two of you hit it off, having a great conversation. She's laughing. She's interested. You entrance her by telling her fascinating stories about your life. The two of you have good rapport.
Around 7:30, you get hungry and invite her to get something to eat. Dinner goes well too. Then dinner ends. Now what?
Around this time, a lot of guys get confused about how to advance the interaction forward. Clearly the goal is to get laid, but the roadmap is often muddled.
Usually the night ends with the woman saying something like, "I had great time meeting you. Call me. Bye!"
Often, the need for comfort is why women like to make guys wait before sex.
(If the guy's lucky, it might be only three dates, but with a lot of women, the guy can be made to wait for months.)
Fortunately, there's a way to shortcircuit that barrier. I call it the "Boyfriending Technique."
If you watch couples who are in close relationships, you'll notice an interesting phenomenon. The man and woman are extremely comfortable touching each other, so much so that they'll even do seemingly gross things like brush sleep ("eye boogers") out of each other's eyes.
It's a behavior that's only done by people who are completely comfortable around each other. Certainly when you are in a relationship where you can brush sleep out of a woman's eye, you've long since passed the point where the two of you are comfortable having sex.
Catch my drift? You can use this as a psychological weapon to make the woman feel more comfortable around you.
In mid-conversation, tell her to hold still and close her eyes. Pretend there's sleep in her eye, and make her believe that you just brushed it off.
Later, after the two of you finish eating and leave the restaurant, again tell her to hold still. With your finger, brush off an imaginary piece of food from her lower lip.
The net result of the Boyfriending Technique is nuclear. First, it sub-communicates that the two of you are very comfortable around each other.
Second, it involves you touching her face, bringing your heads closer together and progressing towards a make out session.
Third, in the case of you touching her lower lip, you're in fact touching an erogenous zone. That's right... a woman's lower lip has a high concentration of nerve endings. Stimulating her lower lip makes her body release sex hormones.
Make the Boyfriending Technique a part of your dating arsenal, and you'll find more success than ever before. You may just be having sex within several hours instead of having to wait several months.
John Alexander is author of "How to Become an Alpha Male"... a seduction success guide for men. Learn the 7 Step Seduction System that takes you from saying "hello" to a new woman... to sharing orgasms in bed with her... in just one evening!
Man Cuffs Self To Woman Who Declined Dates | The Smoking Gun
C'mon guys, don't be like this dude (Jason Dean). Be confident and get the girls you want. Learn how to handle rejection and move on.
Man Cuffs Self To Woman Who Declined Dates | The Smoking Gun.
Body Language
An estimated 67% to 93% of human communication (according to university researchers) is non-verbal, and your body language reveals your internal emotional state. Whether someone's parents just died, or whether they just got promoted to CEO... you can tell by observing their body language.
So, as a man who tries to pick up and seduce women, you should be mindful of what you're communicating non-verbally.
Body language consists of the following:
- Your movements. They should be nonchalant, as if you're so fabulously successful that there's rarely a reason for you to rush nor try to impress anybody. Move through the world doing what you want and assuming that others will follow.
- The displacement of your body. Your arms and legs should be spread out. Don't be afraid to take up space.
- Your voice. It should have a calm, soothing, and commanding effect. Don't speak too fast or strain your voice.
- Your face. Keep your facial muscles relaxed. Never tense your jaw, and only rarely should you frown or wrinkle your brow.
- Your shoulders. Keep them relaxed like they'd be if you just got a massage. Don't raise them up like a nervous person.
I would even go as far as to say that you body language is more important than anything you say, because if your body language doesn't match what you say, then you won't succeed with women.
You see, if you tell a woman stories that convey your confidence, but at the same time you slump over and fold your arms, then you come across as fake.
I've picked up women before merely through the use of my body language. For example, a couple months ago I was at a coffee shop that I frequent, lounging on the couch, arms spread out, with my feet up on the table.
The mindset I had was that I felt so comfortable that it was as if I were in my home lounging on my own couch. It was as if I owned the coffee shop.
The net result was that a girl sitting near me put down her book and started engaging me in random small talk.
(Whenever an attractive girl you don't know starts a random conversation with you, you should ALWAYS assume that she's attracted to you. This is because women generally won't risk the whole male-female dynamic, especially with a stranger, unless they feel attraction.)
The conversation went on for awhile, I got her number, called her that night, and a few days later we met and after several hours went to her place, where I spent the night. (We finally had sex in the morning.)
The bottom line though is that she became initially attracted to me and approached me because of my body language.
Now, of course body language isn't enough. You also must have an internal alpha male mindset that's consistent with your body language.
But make no mistake about it... if your body language conveys confidence, then your mood will also shift to become more confident. And have you ever noticed how when you walk with a spring in your step, you feel more upbeat?
Conversely, when you cast your eyes down and drag your feet, you feel depressed. So your mindset also follows the body language that you adopt.
So, in conclusion, be an alpha male with your mindset and your body language. Be in a woman's personal space and be sexual and interested in her, but at the same time don't be needy or desperate for her attention. Just be comfortable and enjoy yourself.
And when your body language conveys that, it means you'll later be comfortable and enjoying yourself... with the woman.
John Alexander is author of "How to Become an Alpha Male", a seduction success system for men that will have you displaying body language that attracts women like a magnet.
[FREE] Webinar Teaching How To Attract Any Woman
Hey there!
I'll make this short and sweet...
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Enjoy the webinar! Let me know what you thought of it.
Your friend,
Vic
